Funny

I laughed really hard at this laffy taffy joke. That might just prove how juvenile I am.

"Why is the nose in the middle of your face?"
"Because it's the scenter!" :)

We All Need These!

What is it with the top floor executives? Are they really that much better than the rest of us? And are their papers really that much more important? Honestly! Janelle and I made a trip upstairs a while back and discovered they have FOLDER HOLDERS in the bathroom stalls. We've started going up there with our papers just to use the bathroom. It really would be a pity if some student's refund check fell in the toilet, after all. :) Perhaps I can get pictures of this anomaly. You will all love it, I'm sure, and be most jealous.

So that's how you really feel?

Today Paradox gave me a present at work. She walked back to my desk and then pointed at something behind me. "What's that?!" When I turned, she slipped a nicely wrapped package on my keyboard. Well, the wrapping was a tissue, and the bow was tied out of a thin piece of cardboard. She had attached a sticky note with this text: "Thanks for being such a great sister. This represents you." (or something to that effect) 

It took scissors to open the silly thing, for crying out loud! When I finally got in, I found one peanut butter cracker sandwich wrapped up in its package. Well, thank you, Paradox. I'm glad to know that you view me as the leftovers that no one wants. The girl sitting next to me said I shouldn't eat it because it had probably been on the floor.

At least my daddy loves me -- he thinks I'm best represented by a gemstone.

Today's Funny Story

I was shopping today. In the grocery store. I had my list and was more than half way through when I couldn't find something. Actually, it was the water chestnuts. Carefully pulling my cart out of the middle of the aisle, I had walked all up and down aisle 5 (the canned vegetables, soups, etc.) at least half a dozen times. It was then that I saw a store employee. "Aha!" I thought, "He will be able to help." I ran (okay, it was actually more of a brisk walk) down to the other end of the aisle to catch him before he moved on or was distracted by someone else. He knew just where they were -- around the corner. In the oriental food, of course. So I quickly followed him a few steps down the next aisle, grabbed two cans, and returned to my cart.

Which ... wasn't there. I walked all up and down aisle 5, then went to aisles 4 and 6, just in case. Still no cart. A bit of careful observation revealed that in aisle 5 there was one cart which seemed to be without an owner. I inspected it and found that it was NOT my cart, but was placed mere feet from where I had left mine. No problem. Surely the owner of this cart would soon realize that she had walked off with mine instead of hers and would be back for her correct groceries. Not so. After waiting a few minutes, I started walking up and down all the nearest aisles, hoping to spot my purse in the child seat of some cart and put the matter straight. I found no success, but was in good humor; the whole matter was quite comical to me at that moment.

At least five minutes after initially discovering my loss, just as I was contemplating going to the front and asking for advice from Customer Service, I heard over the loudspeaker, "Attention Maceys customers, would Chicken Dust please come to the service desk. Chicken Dust to the service desk." You guessed it; at the front of the store, a clerk kindly handed me my purse and shopping list, but the cart switcher had gone. Too bad. She probably wanted her groceries, not mine. Upon my questioning about the one who turned in my purse, the checker said, "He said he was shopping and stopped to get something and when he turned around ... there was a purse in his cart!" Imagine his surprise. :) And then imagine his greater surprise and chagrin when he arrived home and his wife commented on the presence of groceries she didn't want, and the absence of those she did. Poor man.

So I got my purse back, but I had to redo all my shopping. It was more than worth it, though, for the privilege of having such an amusing experience. Only in Happy Valley.

Super Woman

Ladies and Gentlemen, I can break an apple in half with my bare hands (though Nate would contest that my hands are human, not bear). Pictures to come.

Mud Warriors

The other day Kaitlyn and I were walking home together and she found a stick in a big mud puddle. Naturally we had a mud fight. She got me good on the forehead, so then she was jealous of my beautiful face. Rubbing her finger along the muddiest part of the stick, she got enough mud to put some "intimidation lines" under her eyes. I followed suit. We were MUD WARRIORS!

And hear me ROAR!

An Adventure

Please reference The Paradox.

Another quote

This one from the Collections manager during a staff meeting. Refering to credit repair agencies (all a hoax, mind you) asking us to remove certain things from their clients' reports,

"And we just said, 'up your nose with a rubber hose.'"

Ouch.

Announcement

After twenty-three years, I have finally met with success.

Last night I successfully made white sauce from scratch without it being lumpy or scalding anything. It didn't even stick to the bottom of the pan.

I feel I have finally arrived.

Thank you, thank you one and all. *bow*

New favorite quote

Basically, Murphy moved in...

Willow

My writing prowess just will not do this experience justice, so if you want to know, you'll have to ask in person. :)

Just imagine suddenly being surprised as you close the open computer window to see Willow's beautiful face "smiling" at you from the desktop. Yes, that was a squeal in the office.

Love It!

This might be funny any time, but it was especially hilarious today because Kaitlyn handed it to me at work right after I had told her my story of thinking MY wagon was stolen last night. I had gotten home from an interview with the Bishop and needed to go to the grocery store. After dropping my stuff in my apartment, I headed outside to where I had seen my wagon just that morning. It was GONE! I look this way, and then that -- no wagon. Oh dear. Luckily a bit of investigation revealed my beautiful wagon hiding behind a tree behind the apartment building. I am grateful to whomever moved it because the new location is certainly much better. After finishing my shopping, I returned the wagon to its new home. All is well. Now if only mine had a built-in hitch receiver...

He Fell in LOVE

We, uh, sort of hiked the Y the other day. We actually only got to the second switchback before deciding that it was way more fun to just take crazy pictures hanging off the fences and jumping off rocks. We took this picture early on while it was still light enough. Before heading to the trailhead, we stopped at Subway to grab some sandwiches. Of course I wore the glasses in. There was a little boy, probably about 1 1/2 standing on one of the benches. I tell you, he was totally in love with me -- couldn't keep his eyes off me for a second! (I was nice enough to let him try the glasses on, but only for a minute. I didn't want to lose my stunna shades!) I got a slightly less admiring reaction from the college students at the creamery after the "hike," but no less entranced. What a laugh!

A laugh a day (or three dozen or so) keeps the doctor away :)

Is not this the funniest story?! I just had to smile when I was reminded of it yesterday. Just picture how a "defective" cart must have made those grocery store employees chuckle.

President Monson told this at a General Young Women's meeting a few years ago. "To illustrate, may I share with you an experience which took place several years ago when Sister Monson had been hospitalized because of a fall. She asked me to go to the supermarket and purchase a few items. This was something I had not done before. I had a shopping list which included potatoes. I promptly found a grocery cart and placed a number of potatoes in it. I knew nothing of the plastic bags in which purchases are normally placed. As I moved the cart along, the potatoes fell out and onto the floor, exiting through two rather small openings in the back of the cart. A dutiful clerk hurried to my aid and called out, “Let me help you!” I tried to explain to her that my cart was defective. It was only then that I was told that all the carts had those two holes in the back and that they were meant for the legs of children."